Nokia's Fine Craftsmanship, The Third.

I know it's hard to believe, but...

My third cell phone in three days is broken. That's right, this one came with broken LEDs under the #'s 1-2-3 and 4-5-6.

Whatever, at least I can use it. And it's Shabbat in a few minutes. So I'm just going to enjoy Shabbat, without my messed up Nokia III.

10 Bucks For Honesty

Yesterday, I realized that I was oversleeping, not because I had mono, as I had flippantly hypothesized, but because my cell phone alarm was not ringing, but rather vibrating. Moving the phone away, as it turns out, makes the phone even LESS likely to wake me.

Cue Guster (with a pivotal editoral change made by me):

"You'll be a-wasting time,
You've dreamed a thousand dreams,
None seem to stick in your mind,
[Ten bucks] for honesty,
It must make you sad to know,
That nobody cares at all.
Nobody cares at all."

I'm sure the fine gentlemen of Guster didn't have me in mind when they wrote this song, but in fancy, Pine Crest-educated fashion, I am able to see myself in the text. I'm wasting time (oversleeping), dreaming a thousand dreams (about oversleeping, of course, all while not being awake and getting dressed for school), none seem to stick in your mind (the phone only vibrates, and doesn't ring), two points / 10 bucks for honesty...

So, I called Israel Phones and asked them to send me a phone, after explaining what was wrong with my current phone...

SBB: It doesn't ring.
Customer Service Rep: Did something happen to it?
SBB: It fell*.
CSR: Well, we're going to charge you $10.
SBB: But I have been paying for insurance on the phone. Why the $10?
CSR: You just told me you dropped it.
SBB: But if I hadn't dropped it?
CSR: No fee.
SBB: So you're charging me $10 for being honest?
CSR: I guess so, but we don't like our customers lying to us.
SBB: That's the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.

* I would like to mention two points here. Firstly, everybody drops their phones. EVERYBODY. Secondly, I really dropped it. I admit it. It fell on the floor of the bus. Every passenger in my vicinity was picking up Nokia pieces and helping me piece the phone back together. Which I did, successfully, and without so much as a second thought.

So, Israel Phones sent their guy to deliver my phone. It was a drive-by, meaning, he barely pulled up to my place, switched the Sim cards and was OFF! I had luckily copied all of my numbers into my יומן / yoman / planner and then entered them, digitally (get it? into the phone and by hand!), one by one. I reveled when my phone woke me up by RINGING this morning. Woo!

How to describe the Israel Phones delivery mechanism...Some would say discreet, I say creepy.

...And then I got a text message. I tried to reply to it, but I couldn't really read the background, because the light in the phone was defective. I then realized I could lock and unlock the phone, to get the light to turn back on, but I couldn't fix it by going to the phone settings, so...I called Israel Phones, and they promised another cell phone, but this time, they taught me how to move my numbers digitally, not by hand!

And I got another drive-by tonight. Another new cell phone. And this time, they didn't charge me extra...even though I told the truth.

Mixed Bag

Today was pretty uneventful, so I have a bunch of little things to write about that didn't fit into a day trip summation...

1. SuperSol Deal: Today we went to another supermarket in Jerusalem. Our friend Adam attempted to guide us through the supermarket, wising us up to the "secret" stash of nuts by the last register, and showing us which stuff we wanted to buy. Today was my first experience EVER buying chicken from a butcher counter at a grocery store. It was pretty intense...and I felt like a real, normal citizen. Also, I noticed that there were about 5 (yes, five) aisles, featuring Elite Chocolate (you remember this if I've ever given you poprox chocolate).

Things we purchased at SuperSol Deal include a sh'moniyah (that's an 8-pack of Diet Coke. We're moving on up.), schnitzel-grade chicken (proof that there is a God, if you can't find God at the Kotel), diet yogurt (in weird flavors like passionfruit), a wide variety of pretzel/cookie/snacky things, and tomatoes. Tomato-shopping, by the way, is INTENSE here. There was like 4 times the normal supermarket display of tomatoes, and people were sifting through them to find the PERFECT complement to their cucumbers for Israeli Salad.

2. My Dramatic Flair: Allison pointed out that I interrupted her reading of Frommer's to show her (and Rafi) the sign about the Dead Sea being the lowest point on Earth. She's not nearly as stupid as I made her look. But much like the work of James Frey, let's remember that it still made for a good read. (I'm a big fan of James Frey, so if my beelog isn't as accurate as you would like, well, you're just going to have to suck it up and deal.)

3. Lifeguards: The Dead Sea has lifeguards, even though it's virtually impossible to submerge your head in that buoyant, fabulous water. As an on-again, off-again Lifeguard (recertified this past summer), I know that you can drown in only 2 inches of water. I also know that I've never seen a lifeguard smoking on the job. That's right. The ultimate Israeli experience includes a dip in the Dead Sea, and being yelled at by a lifeguard who sports sunglasses, a megaphone, and a half-smoked cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
4. Lines: Are you all queued up? Ready to take your place in front of the register at Aroma? Well, don't let the 80-year-old grandma with the cart of vegetables stomp on your foot to get her Ice Aroma first. Israelis are p-u-s-h-y. Allison and I enjoy our fought-for coffees. (She had to stand up for her place in line because of a pushy Israeli. Really.)

5. Nokia: Cellcom, Shalom, indeed. Israel is a world leader in technology. They INVENTED everything electronic (sorry, Al Gore). OK, not everything, but a lot of stuff. So why is it that 98% of cellphones here are the Nokias so coveted by me, pre-cellphone, in the year 2000? (Conan shout-out) I MISS MY SAMSUNG. These non-flip-phones are soooo Sophomore year.

6. My Own Illiteracy: I was talking recently about how if I were in the states, I would NEVER eat this much bread. If only I knew how to order a salad with the toppings that I want, I wouldn't have to get a sandwich. I also would be interested in buying cream cheese, or arguing with a bus driver or a talking to a person on the street, but I just don't know enough Hebrew to do that. My conversational inclination lies fallow, except for when I'm with the crowd from NY.

7. Israeli Soldiers: When I was on USY Poland/Israel Pilgrimage, in 1999, Israeli soldiers were THE hotties. Everyone wanted to hook up with a soldier, and why not, if they were maybe a year or two older than us? Now that I'm 25, I see these soldiers and think, "Oh, s/he's just a child!" These tiny little kids are defending this tiny little country. It's really quite unbelievable. This child-soldier was napping, cradling his machine gun like a baby sleeps with a teddy bear, while waiting for his bus in the Jerusalem Central Bus Station, just before we went off to the Dead Sea.


That's all for now. I'm sure I'll do something exciting soon. For now, just my little ramblings.

SB [can't] Phone Home

A small rant, in roll call format:

Her name is SB,
She's in the Moshava Germanit,
To get a cell phone,
Apparently, it is a feat.

ROLL CALL.

Her name is SB,
It frustrates her,
She ordered her phone,
For the 10th of September.

ROLL CALL.

Her name's SB,
She's all alone,
Can't call her boyfriend,
On the cell phone.

ROLL CALL.

Her name's SB,
Chag for 3 days,
Rosh Hashanah, then Shabbat,
Means no cell phone plays.

ROLL CALL.

Her name's SB,
She's kind of pissed,
Maybe the phone delivery,
She just missed?

ROLL CALL.

What Israel Phones should send in addition to my cell phone (Picture taken on Dec 28th, when I received flowers and was talking on my IsraelPhones cell phone that incidentially was delivered when it was supposed to be):

(Thank you to Rafi and Rachel for making this picture possible.)







What I'll settle for at this point: