17 April 2008

Only Matt Bar Makes Me Feel Better

I am really not feeling well, which has brought me, once again, to have another run-in with the Israeli medical system (thankfully, not the hospitals.).Once again, the doctor didn't look in my ears, didn't take my temperature, and verbally rolled his eyes at me because I didn't seem to be trailing any limbs, or spurting any blood. He prescribed a nose spray, even though I cannot breathe through my nostrils, saying, "It's ok, eventually, it'll get up into your sinuses." He also prescribed some antibiotics, and regarding the conversation that ensued, to quote my favorite humor writer Dave Barry, I am not making this up.

SBB: So you're prescribing what?
Dr: This is Amoxicillin.
SBB: But I don't need to start taking it?
Dr: No. Don't start taking it until Sunday.
SBB: Why Sunday?
Dr: Well, if you really have a sinus infection, it won't work unless you start on Sunday.
SBB: So, If I don't get better, I have to feel like this until Sunday?
Dr: Yes.
[insert other conversation here]
Dr: Happy Passover.
SBB: [inside stuffy head] I imagine it will be quite fabulous, seeing as how you want me to stew in my own infectious grossness until Sunday, which, OH, is AFTER the SEDER. THANKS!

I picked up the prescriptions and went home, expecting to feel better in the morning. Sure, I felt like I did that time the UF infirmary told me I probably had mono, and here are some painkillers, and then when I returned the next morning demanding medical justice, they confirmed that I actually had pharyngitis. But if IsraDoc said that I should be better by Sunday, who am I to disagree. Being a LifeGuard and the daughter of a doctor does not a medical degree make.

I even made it off my couch last night for 45 minutes to wax social with Anya's family. All I could choke down was some pear nectar, but hey...at least I was able to "eat."

I woke up this morning just as sick as before. After languishing in bed for a few hours, I called my dad. If you don't know my dad, he is the best doctor in all the world. In addition to specializing in hearts (he fixes them, I eat them), he can also serve as an Internist. So this was our conversation:

SBB: Good morning, Dad. You busy?
Dad: Nope, not really. You ok?
SBB: No, I feel like [bad word gerund] [bad word] and I went to the doctor and he told me to wait until Sunday to take antibiotics. Sniffle.
Dad: What's wrong?
SBB: I feel like there are tiny little machetes in my throat. I can't swallow. My ears hurt. I can't breathe through my nose...
Dad: That is horse[bad word - go dad for the bad word!]. Start the meds now.
SBB: You're the best doctor ever!

I felt a little Emily Dickinson-like, having a doctor examine me from miles away (she refused to be touched in an examination). But hey, at least now I can start the drugs!

Passover starts Saturday night, and I was supposed to spend this week working on JTS finals and my fabulous thesis. Unfortunately, the majority of that stuff remains stuffed in my head, and will until the antibiotics kick in. I can't even believe I wrote this much. I have to go lie down again.

In the meantime, enjoy the latest video from www.bibleraps.com phenomenon, Matt Bar. I love him. He loves Bible Raps. Bible Raps love you. Other than Amoxicillin, the only cure I want is some Matt Bar.

PS - This video was uploaded on April 11th, the birthday of my illustrious brother, Alex. Happy birthday, Alex!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm allergic to amoxicillin!